The article below reflects the personal opinions of the author(s) and does not reflect the views or opinions of the Perspectives editors or committee, or the National Society of Genetic Counselors (NSGC).
I had grown used to the admiration, bordering on envy: “It must be so nice to know what you want to do” and, “Wow, what is it like to have a sense of purpose? Meaning? Direction?” We are encouraged from a shockingly young age to “find our passion” and “follow our dreams” — of course, this is usually intended in the capitalistic way wherein our worth is equated with what we produce, how much and how fast. But even so, discovering genetic counseling felt like that “aha” moment where my interests, values and strengths serendipitously converged into one unified purpose: I would be a genetic counselor.
While there are (thankfully) a growing number of resources to prepare one for graduate school applications, the challenges one might face during graduate school, and the job search/interview process after graduate training, there is nothing that could have prepared me for the unanticipated period of unemployment that has followed graduation. When your identity, time and space orientation, and purpose are inextricably intertwined with becoming, it can be psychologically and existentially (not to mention financially) tormenting to be unable to actualize the version of yourself you have spent unfathomable hours, resources and energy nurturing. I want to be a genetic counselor and I, like many, am stuck in this purgatory where I have become but cannot be.
I am the first to criticize the way our society’s obsession with work has us dehumanizing ourselves and each other. The grind culture and the rugged individualism it engrains has cost many of us our senses of rest, well-being and community. But not being able to participate in the workforce like I had planned meant losing the one part of my life I felt I had some control over. My unemployment has generated a complicated grief where I’m grieving the fact that I have been socially conditioned to equate my purpose with my career and that I can’t fulfill that purpose due to the nationwide lack of genetic counseling openings (despite the very real need for genetic counselors). There are layers of frustration and anguish. Even without a job, I am on high alert from 9 to 5 on Mondays through Fridays, because what if today is the day a potential future employer schedules an interview? Or, imagine that, offers me a job? Friday evening offers a twisted sense of relief with a twinge of pity: another weekend without the career I care so desperately about nor the income I have given so much to deserve.
I know I am a genetic counselor and will get to actualize that version of myself eventually — just not in the way I had anticipated. I felt entitled to, or at least hopeful for, a certain future on a certain timeline. But isn’t that a common thread in many of our clients’ stories? Stories about reconciling what life was supposed to be like with what life actually is? The contexts and impacts are notably different, but maybe the underlying feelings, sensations and/or cognitions are similar; maybe this period of uncertainty, grief, shock and disappointment is equipping me with the lived experience to better empathize with my future clients. Maybe my unemployment is shaping me into a more adaptable and resilient person and counselor. Maybe this standstill is exactly what I needed to reclaim my love of reading, actually train for that marathon and finally learn how to cook — three goals that I had neglected in the name of pedestalizing becoming a genetic counselor. Maybe my pendulum needed to swing to sheer nothingness and surrender after 27 years of all-consuming striving and reaching in order to grant me the sense of balance and integration my spirit has been aching for — the sense of wholeness that will ensure my humanity and the humanity of my clients and colleagues is always centered. Maybe this all-encompassing uncertainty will help me to say “I don’t know” with certainty. I don’t know. But I do trust. I have to.
Photo by Krists Luhaers on Unsplash
Eden Brush, MS, CGC is a certified genetic counselor living in New York City. She completed her graduate training at Columbia University as part of the class of 2024. Prior to training, Brush was a genetic counselor assistant at Lineagen (Bionano Laboratories). She is passionate about rare disease advocacy, narrative medicine and disability justice. She has no conflicts of interest to disclose.