As I start my second year of genetic counseling training, I am compelled to write about my experiences as a first-generation graduate student and daughter of Portuguese immigrants, who is receiving training during such a tumultuous time. The uncertainty and bias currently surrounding immigrant communities feel like a never-ending storm, and we are preparing for the worst. However, I am proud to say that resilience and adaptability are just some of the amazing traits that define us, giving me hope for the future. I want to share some of what I experienced emotionally throughout my first year of training to shed light not just on the Portuguese community but also on the strength every child of immigrant parents exhibits because of what we learned from our parents. 

The Guilt

I remember the day like it was yesterday: the moment I found out I matched to a genetic counseling graduate program and would be a genetic counselor. It was a moment filled with tremendous joy because I finally achieved what I had worked so hard for. However, in the very next moment, I was also met with the feeling of guilt.

I am the youngest daughter in my family, and my mother has been a single parent since I was six years old. She was my best friend growing up, and I shared all of life’s ups and downs with her — from the joy of her promotion at work, which meant no more 50+ hour weeks, to the heartbreak of losing her brother, my "fun" uncle, one of nine siblings. I realized I felt guilty because pursuing my dream, which is what she made sacrifices toward, meant that I had to move to another state. I would ultimately be away from her, someone who gave me the privilege to pursue my dream. I would be away from my roots, “minha comunidade,” and the people who grew me. I owe my mother so much because of her sacrifices for her children, so they would have better lives. 

Even though I was met with unwavering support from my mother once I told her the news, I couldn’t help but still feel guilty for leaving her. Throughout my first year, I was able to cope with this guilt by recognizing that many children of immigrants tend to carry their parents’ sacrifices on their shoulders. I accepted that I am doing what my parents hoped for when they immigrated to this country, and I translated this acceptance into the goal of working with individuals from similar backgrounds. I converted this guilt into passion, and I intend to be a voice for underrepresented communities, especially during a time when it is difficult to be heard.

The Doubt

I believe it is common for children of immigrants to feel like “outsiders” in graduate school because they may not have the support of family members who have followed their same path of higher education, as well as possibly being the only person in school with their background. Many individuals would call this feeling imposter syndrome. When I began my program, this was my experience; I often felt like I didn’t belong because I couldn’t always relate to my peers’ and supervisors’ experiences. These feelings of doubt were heightened by knowing that not many in my family have pursued higher education, let alone graduate school. I often questioned if genetic counseling was really for me and doubted that I would make it to graduation because I felt like I was straddling two different worlds: my graduate program and my home life.

It still feels unreal that I am in graduate school; sometimes, it feels like it is all a dream. It is difficult to envision myself achieving this because it hasn’t been done in my family before —how can I be doing this when no one else in my family has? I realized this is my opportunity to honor my parents’ sacrifices while achieving my goal of becoming a genetic counselor. Instead of questioning how I matched, I started accepting that I am at my program for a reason; I can build the career and life I always wanted while never forgetting how I got to this point. 

The Tenacity

Even though I was able to learn how to deal with feelings of guilt and doubt, they are normal feelings to experience, especially as an immigrant child. I am reminded of this through my clinical internships, when I witness patients experiencing these same feelings during their genetic counseling sessions and can help my patients navigate them. These painfully deep feelings further demonstrate our love for family and how family shapes us into the individuals we are today.

I recognize the tenacity of my family for starting a new life in this country and how their move culminated in fruitful opportunities. By the same token, I worry this soon won’t be possible for many individuals who want better for their families. For now, I can offer a reminder to my fellow students and colleagues who are children of immigrants: You belong. Your family’s sacrifices may feel like wounds that never heal, but now is our time to proudly acknowledge this hurt in solidarity with the fear immigrants are living with at this time. 

Acknowledgements

I am deeply grateful to my fellow classmate, Isabella Brown, for her thoughtful edits and encouragement throughout the publication process. I would also like to thank the University of Pennsylvania genetic counseling program’s leadership, Kathleen Valverde and Lisa Kessler, for their openness in hearing my story and for their continued support.

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